machado: change is one of the most 'insidious' stressors we face as humans
5 minute read
change can stir up feelings of desperate overwhelm because that’s exactly what’s happening to your mind and your body. getty
stay up to date on this topic
“hey, little lady, how’s the big change?”
the words travelled across the street to where i was walking with my daughter. we were hauling bags full of snacks for her first week away at university. the voice belonged to a little man in sticky black leather overalls who hangs out in front of the local magic mushrooms dispensary. every time i see him, he asks me to tell him a story about something interesting that’s happening in my life.
looking over, i had to take a moment. for a 50-year-old woman, there’s only one big change that comes to mind and i was wondering why he was yelling about it for everyone to hear.
“the school, the school, ready for the school?” he was bouncing up and down, the leather tight around his knees, smiling, pointing at my daughter and reminding me that, when i saw him the day before, the something that was happening in my life was that she was leaving for school that weekend.
he had asked me if i liked it when things changed and i had said yes, change was good. cool, in fact. but as my daughter packed her suitcase and excitedly facetimed with friends who were leaving home too, making shopping lists that consisted of kettles, mini fridges and candy, it became clear that, while i may fancy myself as that slick just-roll-with-it person who likes — no, invites! — change and embraces new things with glee, i’m not quite that.
change is hard and takes courage
it’s not that i want things to be the same — that’s boring and suffocating and well, not really living. but change is damn hard and takes courage, even if it is the good kind. when it’s the bad kind, it often means pulling from deep inside yourself just to get through each day.
a year before i was diagnosed with leukemia, i had my second child, was adjusting to life as a mom with little sleep, and had moved from a full-time job to fluctuating contract work. once i had the whole parenting thing down, i also had a leukemia diagnosis under my belt, my dad was being crushed by dementia, and my brother began radiation for advanced liver cancer. then came the end of my marriage. it was an edgy mix of good and bad change, with the good stuff — warm babies with chubby arms, a challenging job doing what i love, a chance to figure out what i needed in a partner — propping me up a bit to manage the bad. but only just. there were many rocky moments where i was sure it was only a matter of time until all that was different took me down.
advertisement
part of what makes any kind of change so challenging is that the uncertainty of it all affects us on many levels: emotionally and mentally, but also physically. change can stir up feelings of desperate overwhelm because that’s exactly what’s happening to your mind and your body: it is being completely and utterly overwhelmed. and it comes with a cost to our well-being. in fact, according to aoife o’donovan, an associate professor of psychiatry at the ucsf weill institute for neurosciences, uncertainty is among the most “insidious stressors” we experience as humans.
‘uncertainty means ambiguity’
“uncertainty means ambiguity, which means that we have to expend effort in trying to predict what will happen in addition to preparing to deal with all of the different outcomes,” o’donovan told ucsf news.
so even if you’ve found yourself in a world-is-your-oyster situation and you’re loving it, the endless possibilities — and uncertainties — can play on your emotional health, churning up anxiety and fear about what’s waiting out there in that scary wide-open, anything-can-happen space.
certainly, everyone has a different threshold for the stress caused by the uncertainty that change can create. for sure, there are those who thrive on not knowing what comes next and who wilt under the cloud of sameness. but for many others, the fear that change can bring on is a thing. and whether felt on a grand scale or in gentle shudders, it’s not about much more than the way our brains are wired to work. in fact, we’ve been feeling this way since the stone age, when fear of uncertainty revolved around the weather, food supply and danger of attack.
even mice aren’t immune, if you take a look at research by dr. mazen kheirbek, an associate professor in uc san francisco’s department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences. when mice, who are most comfortable in confined dark spaces and perceive open spaces as risky, are put into spacious areas, their brain activity shows increased anxiety that renders them too fearful to move around and explore. but once the scientists “turn off” the parts of their brains that send messages of anxiety, they begin to investigate their new surroundings.
advertisement
beyond the paralyzing effect of uncertainty, it also sets off somewhat of a chain reaction in the body that starts with the brain and ends with a poke at physical well-being. in one study, researchers explored the link between uncertainty and disease. it turns out that when we are unsure of outcomes or what path to take, our brains burn through energy, energy that is sucked from our bodies. if our brains are unable to resolve the uncertainty, say the study authors, we risk a “persistent cerebral energy crisis” — a fancy phrase to describe what happens when we are no longer coping well. the result? “systemic and brain malfunction (impaired memory, atherogenesis, diabetes and subsequent cardio-and cerebrovascular events).”
yikes.
clearly, the best kind of uncertainty is the kind that is short-lived. and fortunately, for us and our brains, change doesn’t feel strange forever. there’s almost always a warm moment where, finally, the new stuff feels familiar and there’s a sense that everything is going to be ok — or at least manageable, like when you get a win in your new job; feel at home in your new city; or your fingers interlock effortlessly with those of someone new.
and while the path to the feeling ok point isn’t as direct with changes that have broken your heart — the smile that’s suddenly no longer there, a seriously ill loved one, the leaving of the love of your life — there is, hopefully, a time when the pain suddenly feels just a little less, and you finally begin to see glimpses of the possibility that life just might go on in your very different world.
of course, there are things that we can do to help the process along, recommends o’donovan, like meditating, exercising, getting good sleep and taking care of your social connections. mostly though, it helps to accept that, at multiple points in our lives, all of us will be struggling with change and uncertainty — those proverbial wide-open spaces. we just need to remember that, eventually, we’ll find comfort in the extra room.
advertisement
lisa machado is the executive producer of healthing.ca. she can be reached at lmachado@postmedia.com or on twitter and instagram @iamlisamachado
thank you for your support. if you liked this story, please send it to a friend. every share counts.
share story
