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practising self-care as a woman means prioritizing your own health
6 minute read
caregiving and nurturing others aren’t inherently bad traits, even if they’re societally conditioned. while it’s not easy to change the approach from caregiving to self-care, it can and should be prioritized.
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women often wear many hats in their families. from caregiver to chauffeur to planner and everything in between, it can be a challenge to keep up, but somehow, they do it. they ensure that everyone else is taken care of, often to the expense of their own health.
in fact, according to a survey conducted by maple, a canadian virtual care provider, 31 per cent of canadian women admitted to delaying seeking medical care for themselves because they were unable to find time outside their caregiving duties.
“it really says a lot about women’s position in society and also culturally,” said sarah lizius, primary care registered nurse with women’s college hospital in toronto, ont. “whether they’re caregivers of children, caregivers of somebody with a disability, caregivers of their parents, they’ve really taken on a role where they are focusing on advocating and caring for another person and that takes up all of your energy.”
it’s all about being unable to pour from a cup that’s completely dried out due to the needs of others around them, not begrudgingly, but simply because they put themselves at the bottom of the priority list.
putting others first in a system that’s designed to fail women
part of the problem is how challenging the system has made it for women to get the care they need. the health care system has continuously shied away from helping women as much as they should be when it comes to their own health care. there are barriers upon barriers for women to overcome that put a wrench in their plans to seek out any form of self-care or preventive health interventions.
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“a really classic example is if you are a woman and you have a baby that you’re caring for, it may be very difficult for you to go and spend an hour in a waiting room waiting to see your physician because you have to spend that time caring for your child, and then when you do go in, your child is still there,” said lizius. “you may not be able to speak about certain topics or focus on a physical exam because you’re also trying to supervise and look after your child.”
these roadblocks to care aren’t easy to overcome, especially when they’re caregiving for others in the process.
“you’re always going to end up forgoing your own needs if you’ve got to plan out and facilitate transport to 20 medical appointments in a year. are you going to make sure those medical appointments go to the person that you love and you’re caring for or to yourself?” said lizius.
that said, when women do finally make it into the system to take care of themselves, it may still not be enough, because their role as caregivers has allowed them to keep putting others first, even when it’s their turn in the spotlight.
“even when women do access health care … that will get redirected looking at the person that they care for as well,” said lizius. “i see it a lot. brilliant example, just yesterday i called someone to talk to them about their own health condition, and while i was on the phone with them, we then started talking about their husband’s health.”
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while that is an efficient way to speak about health problems and get answers, notes lizius, it’s not doing the women themselves any favours. why? because it’s so ingrained that her problem is less important to the point that she “can’t even have a 20-minute conversation” about her own health without sidestepping to talk about someone else.
it’s not her fault, though.
“women are very socialized to care for others, and sometimes it can be very difficult to then stop that and redirect back to your own health care,” said lizius. the combination of societal expectations, not just of others, but from themselves as well, keeps them in a loop of voluntarily putting themselves in last place.
short- and long-term consequences of a lack of self-care
health conditions, regardless of what they are, are always better treated as early as possible. from eczema to heart disease, early intervention is key to preventing symptom worsening and adverse outcomes. but if you never have the time to put yourself first, getting early intervention is nearly impossible.
cancer screenings, for example, are one area where self-care prioritization is a must, but women still can only do what they can with the 24 hours they get in a day.
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in the short-term, it might just look like a missed appointment and further healthcare delays. but in the long-term, it could mean a more advanced case of cancer.
chronic pain is another example of where women often shove it down to fulfil duties to others in their lives, noting that many women acknowledge their pain, but “continue to ignore that pain until it is convenient for somebody else” for them to go in.
“that’s how sometimes when you have conditions that were maybe preventable or treatable after a certain length of time, they now require more investigation, more treatment, and are going to have a greater effect on your long-term health as well,” said lizius. “it becomes as simple as saying my health isn’t important.”
how women can put themselves first
caregiving and nurturing others aren’t inherently bad traits, even if they’re societally conditioned. oftentimes, women end up being the glue that holds people and households together because of all that they do. it’s only when their needs are continuously pushed aside that issues arise. while it’s not easy to change the approach from caregiving to self-care, it can and should be prioritized.
“really taking that time, being very intentional to say, ‘what is the factor that needs to happen? what is the change that needs to happen that will allow me to get the thing that i need?’” said lizius.
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that could be anything from asking a friend to babysit while you go to an appointment, or asking a family member to give you a ride. whatever it is, it’s important to ask for that help even though “it can be very difficult.”
another shift that needs to occur to make this a whole lot easier for women is to improve access.
“we need to make sure we’re really defining what access is. it’s not just the opening hours and where the building is,” said lizius.
it’s also about addressing barriers that continue to make health care access a full-time job.
“really talking about social determinants of health and trying to build that back into, particularly, the primary care health system. we could really create more opportunities for women to access health,” said lizius, because while that wouldn’t give them more time in their day, it would make the time they need to add themselves to their priority list less.
on a personal level, women will just have to fight for themselves sometimes—against the part of them that tells them that everyone else needs to come first. even though it’s not easy, as many women know, it’s a crucial step in their own healthcare journey to ensure that they thrive as well as those they care for. and if it’s not easy to do alone, they don’t have to.
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“women should, as they’re able to look to see who their community is, who their support people are and engage them, find opportunities to look out and seek help for their mental health, their physical health and make sure to prioritize that.”
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