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jennifer lopez and ben affleck's wedding shows that maybe relationships are better the second time around

getting back together after taking some time to learn about yourself can be the key to a happier partnership.

by karen hawthorne

published aug 23, 2022

last updated aug 24, 2022

3 minute read

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3 minute read

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jennifer lopez, ben affleck may be happier their second time around

known affectionately as “bennifer,” lopez, 53, and affleck, 50, dated in the early 2000s. now, 20 years later, the couple has reunited — for better or worse. (l photo: john mabanglo, r photo: arturo holmes)

newlywed celebs jennifer lopez and ben affleck’s lavish wedding in georgia this weekend had everyone dressed in white, making for some super-chic photos. it was their second wedding celebration, after a las vegas elopement in july. this time, the three-day event was held at the affleck estate on hampton island preserve in georgia, where the couple was supposed to tie the knot when they were first engaged in 2002.

known affectionately as “bennifer,” lopez, 53, and affleck, 50, dated in the early 2000s and starred together in 2003’s “gigli” and 2004’s “jersey girl.” they called off their engagement and went their separate ways in 2004. at the time, tabloids reported that lopez wanted to settle down and have kids, but affleck wasn’t ready to give up his bachelor lifestyle.

now, 20 years later, the couple has reunited — for better or worse.

the las vegas chapel minister who presided over the july ceremony told people that the couple has staying power: “absolutely, you can see the love they had for each other. they definitely truly care and love each other. i’ve done probably 10,000 weddings now, and by this point in my life i get a feel of couples — i can really tell it was real.”

while opinions on lopez and affleck may differ, some experts say relationships really can be better the second time around.

counsellor and life coach vance larson writes: “you cannot enter into a new relationship with old relationship skills. in other words, if you do the same things over and over again, you probably will breed the same results. but what about when you have a history with someone?”

dating an ex requires what he calls an even higher level of commitment and “relationship iq.” both partners need to stop scorekeeping on past wrongs and truly start fresh. but the second time around can be even more rewarding.

“[these relationships] work because two imperfect people join together to celebrate their imperfections,” he writes.

“like all successful relationships, they do not score. in fact, developing a short term memory in your relationships can be an asset. by not holding to anything other than the issue at hand, no score is kept and resentments are minimal. when we act from a clean slate, there is nothing to weigh us down or to compound the problem. we simply address the issue at hand.”

while there isn’t much in the way of data to back this train of thought, one u.s. study found that people who rekindled youthful romances at least five years after they had split up had a 76 per cent chance of staying together, compared with a 40 per cent chance of successful marriage in the rest of the population, the independent reports. and in general, divorce rates are on the decline: statistics canada reports a sharp decrease in divorce from 2019 to 2020.

lopez and affleck aren’t the first celebrity couple to reunite after a breakup. ben stiller and christine taylor split up in 2017, but got back together after they moved in together, with their children, during the pandemic. billy porter and adam smith dated for a year after they met in 2009. they remained friends for years until they got back together in 2015: smith had been “the one who got away, porter told people. they got married in 2017. and elizabeth taylor and richard burton famously got married — and then got divorced — twice.

dr. nancy kalish, an expert on rekindled romances and a former psychology professor at california state university, told the guardian in 2015 that reconnecting with a lost love is becoming more common, particularly as social media makes it easier to get in touch with old flames.

“there’s always someone who knows someone who has done it,” kalish said. in her estimation, one person out of 100 will give a lover from long ago a second shot.

karen hawthorne is a toronto-based writer.

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karen hawthorne

karen hawthorne worked for six years as a digital editor for the national post, contributing articles on health, business, culture and travel for affiliated newspapers across canada. she now writes from her home office in toronto and takes breaks to bounce with her son on the backyard trampoline and walk bingo, her bull terrier.

jennifer lopez and ben affleck's wedding shows that maybe relationships are better the second time around

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jennifer lopez and ben affleck's wedding shows that maybe relationships are better the second time around

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