how to tell if someone is lying to you
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liars trying to distance themselves from a lie also shows up in what they actually say. getty
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research shows that we tell a lie, on average, one or two times a day. in fact, a study called the prevalence of lying in america found that only six out of ten americans told the truth every day. prolific liars fib about 17 times in a day. that’s a lot of lies.
and while it may be a little disconcerting that many of us don’t always consider honesty the best policy, the prevalence and ease of which we bend the truth makes sense when you consider that lying is actually a part of human nature. studies show that we start fibbing at an early age and quickly get better at as we get older.
‘white’ lies versus real lies
clearly, some lies are more damaging than others. we tell ‘white’ lies to avoid hurting others or to avoid embarrassment. for example, declining a lunch invitation with your mother-in-law because of a made-up doctor’s appointment is a lot more palatable, and in keeping with family harmony, than coming clean. that, in fact, you would rather eat a cactus than share a meal with her.
but when does a lie become real?
according to a study by trinity university in texas, there are five things that differentiate a real lie from one that’s not that big of a deal. if the intent is malicious; the consequence of the lie serious; if the liar is the one who benefits most from the lie; if the lie is mostly untrue — compared the ‘bending of the truth’ that tends to define a white lie; and if the lie is considered unequivocally wrong, it is a ‘real’ lie. in contrast, the consequences of a white lie tend to be unimportant. rather than helping the liar, a white lie tends to benefit the person being lied to or the relationship (think: mother-in-law) and is also perceived as acceptable and understandable (again, think: mother-in-law), as opposed to the offensiveness that often comes along with a real lie.
“people tell white lies when telling the truth would be overly complicated, uncomfortable, or tedious,” dr. christian hart writes in psychology today, adding that these kind of fibs allow people to “reframe harmful truths and reframe socially awkward facts” — basically, we tell white lies to avoid hurting others and save ourselves embarrassment.
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but whether or not the untruth is real or not, is there a way to tell if you are being lied to? after all, while finding out who really left an empty bucket of chocolate ice cream in the freezer may not keep you up at night, it might be handy to be able to tell if the guy who knocked on your door yesterday offering to fix your roof — which according to his trained eye is about to fall in and kill your entire family — is telling the truth.
you can’t always tell a liar by their eyes
and while it’s a common belief that the eyes can reveal a liar — particularly whether they move to the left or the right — there’s not a lot of evidence supporting this claim. a 2012 study examined the previously unchallenged notion that people tend to look up and to the right when they are lying and up and left when telling the truth and found nothing to support this belief.
but this doesn’t mean that there aren’t other facial cues that might help tell a lie from truth.
a 2015 study at the university of michigan studied 120 videos of high-stakes court cases to build a lie-detecting software prototype. the experiments that were a part of the study were up to 75 per cent accurate in identifying the liars (as defined by the outcomes of the trials).
nearly 70 per cent of the liars tended to stare straight at the interrogator when being questioned. scowling or grimacing with the whole face was an indicator of deception as well. while only 30 per cent of the liars scowled, almost none of the truth tellers did.
alternatively, almost 60 per cent of the truth tellers closed their eyes while being questioned — just 20 per cent of liars closed their eyes. repeated head-shaking usually meant someone was telling the truth — 60 per cent of truth tellers did this compared to only 35 per cent of those who were lying.
pay attention to waving hands and raised eyebrows
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that same study found that liars tended to wave their hands around while being questioned, whereas eyebrow raising was common for someone who was telling the truth.
non-congruent gestures — when someone’s bodily movements don’t match what they are saying, such as saying yes while shaking the head no — may also be an indicator of deceit, according to a scientific american podcast, as is pointing, dr. lillian glass, a behavioural analyst and body language expert told business insider. pointing can be a conscious or unconscious attempt to distance the liar from the situation and place blame elsewhere. glass also identified feet shuffling as a sign that someone feels uncomfortable or nervous, in addition to covering up vulnerable parts of the body, like the chest, throat, or abdomen.
culture affects fibbing indicators
cultural differences also need to be considered when discerning if someone is lying or not, and the subject’s tone of voice can play a big role. research by the american psychological association found that chinese people tended to speak in higher-pitched voices when lying, whereas hispanic people spoke in lower pitches when lying, compared to telling the truth.
liars might ‘um’ and ‘ah’
liars trying to distance themselves from a lie also shows up in what they actually say. the michigan study found that liars tended to use words such as “he” or “she,” rather than “i” or “we,” while being interrogated, as well as phrases that reflected certainty about a situation, rather than ambiguity.
liars also fill their sentences with little words like “um”, and it can be harder for them to speak in general while they are attempting to deceive, or they may talk a lot and stretch out the truth with more words than necessary.
how easy is it to tell if you are being lied to?
while knowing what to look for can certainly help you figure out if you’re being deceived, humans are generally terrible at deciphering whether someone is lying or not. in fact, research has found that humans could detect a liar only about 50 per cent of the time, no better than a coin flip. and according to some studies, emotionally intelligent people are more easily fooled by liars.
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even if you were to pay extra close attention to a person’t verbal and physical cues, it can be difficult to determine for sure if you are being fed a fib. after all, these supposed ‘signs’ of untruths are simply just clues that someone may be lying — you might just have to trust your gut.
nick beare is a toronto-based writer.
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