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children who are bullied and excluded by peers are at a higher risk of feeling lonely. many struggle to find supportive friendships. getty images
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at a recent infectious disease conference, an experienced colleague told me, “on many days, i don’t feel like a pediatrician anymore. i feel more like a social worker, psychologist or even a sociologist.”
the topic of lonely children illustrates why modern-day pediatricians may feel that way.
the rise in loneliness among children is often an overlooked issue. it has become increasingly common. up to 80 per cent of children feel lonely at some point.
a grandparent recently commented that, “the more connected we are, the more disconnected we have become.” he was referring to the problem of digital connection, which, ironically, has led to emotional disconnection.
although excessive technology may play a huge role, there are a variety of other causes.
academic pressures have intensified, and as a result, many children have less time to socialize. they are also more fatigued due to stress, long hours of studying, and working on complicated projects long after leaving the school campus.
family dynamics have changed. in particular, parental alienation and high-conflict divorces seem to be more prevalent. i see, almost daily, divorced parents who have decided to avoid any form of communication. the hate of the ex-spouse is significant; the need for revenge and inflicting harm is intense. a psychologist dealing with high-conflict divorces told me, “my job is to teach parents to love their child more than they hate each other.”
children who are bullied and excluded by peers are at a higher risk of feeling lonely. many struggle to find supportive friendships. i learned about a teenage boy who told his parents, “i have no friends.” sadly, he lost his battle with depression and died by suicide. at his funeral were several students who claimed to have been his friends. in retrospect, what this teen meant was that he had superficial friends, but he yearned for deeper connections.
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extended family connections used to be the norm. it played a significant role in a child’s social development. today, many families live further apart and connections with grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins are less common.
many parents work two jobs to make ends meet. a chaotic world order, with wars impacting the global economy, and thus fanning the fires of inflation, contributes to parental depression and caregivers often being less available to their children. i see how single parents feel the sting of inflation in extra measures. it has always been hard to parent alone; now it is like a marathon run uphill, with the wind in one’s face, for the whole 26.2 miles.
when parents are unaware of the reality of loneliness, and when this issue remains unaddressed, there is an increased risk of young people being more depressed, anxious, aggressive, emotionally dysregulated, struggling at school, becoming even more socially withdrawn and ultimately experiencing low self-esteem.
i remember reading a book where the author explained that love is spelled t-i-m-e. spending quality time with children and teens has never been more important. they need that deliberate connection to feel less lonely; the emotional support can literally save a life and reduce the risk of suicide.
open communication can be named vitamin c. not the vital vitamin known as ascorbic acid, often consumed to reduce the duration of common cold, but where the c stands for connection. with such communication, the child feels safe and comfortable sharing feelings more deeply. teens want to feel noticed, loved and heard. one parent shared with me a useful image about teens: they want to be in the pool alone, and on their terms, but at the same time, they also appreciate having a parent at the side of the pool, just in case.
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enrolling the child in extracurricular activities opens the possibility of starting friendships, setting up play dates, and helping the child learn about real relationships — face to face as opposed to social media “connections.” learning about empathy, compassion and cultivating social skills takes time, and those social muscles are no different from developing physical muscles in a gym: it requires effort, patience and frequent repetition.
limiting screen time will always be a challenge, but i remind parents in my office that there have to be three spaces with absolutely zero anti-boredom devices (so-called smart phones): the meal table, the bedroom and schools during classroom times. it begins with the parents.
recently, i was at a retreat with a few men. i was amazed by how often they felt the need to open up their “smart” phones for whatever reason — during meals, during walks, during deep discussions involving important topics. i trust they don’t do that at home when they are with their loved ones. no parent should miss the wow of the now.
dr. nieman is the founder of centre 70 pediatrics. his monthly columns for the herald started in 1999.
this article was originally published in the calgary herald on may 23, 2026.
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