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it was 3 a.m. when a young resident bounced into the examining room holding my medical chart, announcing that he thought i had either lymphoma or leukemia.
as he handed me a referral to a local toronto hospital, although i had no idea he was sending me to a cancer center, i knew one thing: i wanted whatever it was going to take to survive.
meeting with an oncologist for the first time is not for the faint of heart, and though i’m not particularly superstitious, that morning i found myself falling into strange rhythm of weird behaviour as i sought reassurance: a hopeful glimpse at the cross perched high atop the roof of a nearby church (though i’m not religious); tucking my son’s tiny sock into my back pocket for luck; and playing a deafening springsteen’s ‘countin on a miracle’ over and over all the way to the hospital.
the doctor told me my options: start taking the standard (and only) treatment — a relatively new drug that had recently been approved by health canada — or get a second opinion at toronto’s princess margaret cancer centre where i could find out more about some newer treatments that were currently in clinical trials.
i don’t think i took even a second to think about it: wherever gives me the best chance to see my kids grow up is where i want to be. no matter what.
and so it began. my first experience with a clinical trial — and the best decision i ever made.
a randomized trial means exactly that: it’s random
the trial was randomized between two medications, meaning that the one i got was completely random — the possibilities were the standard treatment or another treatment that showed the same effectiveness but needed more documented information on side effects. either way, a nurse explained, “you can’t lose.”
but we both knew that that wasn’t true. i could most definitely lose, going down in a smoky ball of the-medication-didn’t-work flames, but she reassured me that the close monitoring required by the trial gave me the best chance of catching failure early.