can better sleep make you a better partner?
2 minute read
couples are now approaching sleep and well-being in a different way than ever before, according to a survey from u.k. online retailer mattressnextday, where the top complaints from cranky sleepers are pretty common disruptions.
getty images
stay up to date on this topic
the word “divorce” tends to have a negative connotation — but when it comes to sleep, it can actually be a good thing.
admittedly, a “sleep divorce” might sound dramatic, but for many couples, it not only does a body good but it can even make for a happier relationship.
there was a time when sleeping in separate beds, or — gasp! — bedrooms, would have people on the outside looking in and judging but couples nowadays are more open to sharing how sleeping apart from their partner has improved their lives significantly, from mood, patience, connection and, of course, actually getting a solid night’s rest.
“as long as there is open communication and both sides are on board with the idea of sleeping separately, i think it can work nicely,” dating coach and founder of kindling dating eimear draper said.
“if both people are getting a good night’s sleep then they are likely to be more patient and experience less frayed tempers which would be good for a relationship.”
survey says …
couples are now approaching sleep and well-being in a different way than ever before, according to a survey from u.k. online retailer mattressnextday, where the top complaints from cranky sleepers are pretty common disruptions.
nearly half (47 per cent) of people said they were annoyed by their partner’s snoring, while about one-quarter (24 per cent) complained about bed-hogging and blanket-stealing.
another 12 per cent cited mismatched schedules, which resulted in different alarm times, as a major source of frustration.
chronic sleep deprivation heightens stress responses and lowers libido, and removing any disruptions often restores both.
that said, while the goal is creating peace in a sleep space, many are concerned that it can create distance and mess with a couple’s intimacy.
communication is key
advertisement
again, it’s about talking openly and honestly.
“sleep divorce only harms intimacy when couples stop being deliberate about connection,” dr. michael salas, a licensed professional counselor and sex therapist at vantage point counseling, explained.
“when partners are well-rested, they are more emotionally available,” he continued. “the key is creating rituals that replace the automatic closeness of sharing a bed.”
many celebs are doing it
it’s a sleep trend that’s becoming more popular than ever, with many celebrity couples, including david and victoria beckham, cameron diaz and benji madden, gwyneth paltrow and brad falchuk, and danielle and kevin jonas raving about separate sleeping arrangements.
the voice host carson daly told people magazine last year that separate beds has “been good for” him and wife siri pinter, a practice he admitted they do a couple of days during the week.
meanwhile, actors kaley cuoco and fiance tom pelphrey are on differing sleep schedules so when he decided to start sleeping in the guest room, the actress called it a “game changer.”
“it’s not our sexy time,” she noted during a recent appearance on the armchair expert podcast, adding that it’s the “best decision we ever made. we’re so much happier.”
salas points out that language matters, suggesting it is less of a “divorce” and more of an “agreement.” and when done intentionally, separate sleep spaces can strengthen that intimate connection rather than weaken it.
“i encourage couples to avoid framing this as a divorce. it is a sleep agreement,” he noted. “when both partners feel respected, the relationship often benefits.”
share story
