of course, look a little deeper, and what this is all about, to some extent, is control. that, in a world wildly out of whack, it’s still possible to make things happen the way you want them to, like the cream that turns my coffee the colour of hot beach sand. besides, leaning into the perception of power, even if it’s somewhat an illusion, feels nice and comfy.
in fact, according to raj raghunathan, the author of if you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy? and a professor at the university of texas mccombs school of business, the belief that we can create the outcomes we want makes us feel competent, which in turn, increases our sense of well-being. he also notes that if we perceive ourselves to be in control, it makes us believe that we aren’t being controlled by someone else — it’s a win-win.
except when there’s a reminder that, despite the really perfect coffee, there’s actually very little you have control over. so many things are done to you, like winter. and while the cold and grey everything is tough, it’s the bigger, harder, just-happens stuff that can be paralyzing: depression, war, aging, sickness, loss, death, and so many others.
i see some of it when i walk my dogs. any path i take is not without someone struggling with mental health issues or facing life-threatening financial insecurity. yesterday, a middle-aged woman undressed while singing “ymca” on a busy street near my house as a man dodged people rushing by to cover her bare shoulders with his jacket. just steps away, a teenager in a t-shirt that used to be white and shorts that were too big begged the crossing guard for a hot coffee.