asking questions like, “are you noticing any patterns between going on one app and how that makes you feel versus another app?” is a great way to start a no-judgment, curiosity-based conversation.
sharing your own struggles with phone use may also help to find common ground.
“problems with over phone use are not exclusive to teens. a lot of us in this world find ourselves attached to our phones, and many adults can benefit by observing that and being thoughtful and curious about it. so, you could kind of present the conversation as talking to your teen like, ‘hey. i notice it myself. i overuse this app. sometimes it makes me feel this way. what do you notice?’ they might open up when they see that you’re opening up.,” she said.
setting specific boundaries that apply to the entire household, for example, not using the phone after a certain time each night, is a great place to start.
dr. gold notes that kids “often follow what they see,” so if you can also put your phone down, your teen is far more likely to be on board when the rule is put into effect because they’re seeing healthy phone use and boundaries firsthand.
with the summer season, when kids are out of school, phone use may also increase, but it doesn’t have to. as a parent, you can encourage your child to make the most of their free time in other ways.
“one way that you could indirectly get at decreasing phone use is by encouraging your teen to get out in the world and do activities, maybe a hobby, that they haven’t been paying as much attention to,” she said. “that can have an indirect effect of lowering phone use.”
if you do experience pushback from a teen, it’s crucial to keep the conversation open by validating their emotions and working together to find a solution.
“part of it is … making them aware of the fact that you hear what they’re saying and how they’re feeling,” said dr. gold. “i hear you; i get it. this is frustrating, and i understand that me setting limits for you on your phone like that doesn’t feel good … so, what do you think would make sense? let’s work together, and you tell me what you think would be an appropriate boundary here … it’s more collaborating here.”