pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day: supporting grieving parents through unimaginable loss
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supporting grieving parents is about being present and offering understanding without imposing expectations.
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this is not my story, but writing gives me the ability to say things i often can’t get out. today, i write for those who are grieving, for the parents whose hearts are heavy with the loss of a child they never got to know. while i can’t fully understand their pain, it’s important to take a moment to remember not only the lives lost but also the quiet suffering of those left behind.
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i was staying in the hospital with my son when i got a call. my wife told me that our friends got news that their unborn baby was diagnosed with a condition that would significantly impact his development and that he likely wouldn’t make it very long once he was born – if he made it at all.
i grabbed my chest and sat on the bed, feeling an unbearable pain that wasn’t mine. i could only imagine what the parents felt. i couldn’t hear anything, i couldn’t see straight, i felt my body weakened as i slumped down onto the hospital mattress.
it’s impossible to comprehend.
i know the excitement of having a baby. my wife showing me a positive test, deciding who to tell and when, bubbling over with a secret you know will be welcomed with joy and hugs, the ultrasounds and appointments – all of it.
i’ve felt the hope and anticipation that comes with creating a new life. but for some, that joy is cruelly interrupted. to experience the beginnings of that happiness, only to have it unravel, is a pain i can’t imagine or understand.
and just like that, two amazing parents had to say goodbye to a beautiful baby boy way too soon.
october 15 is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. while parents carry the weight of their loss every day, today we come together to remember their children and lend our support, reminding them they are not alone in their grief.
to my dearest friends – we love you and you are not alone.
we will miss the person we never got to know every day for the rest of our lives. we will remember him and the brief sparkle he brought into our lives. we will be there for you at a moment’s notice – for any reason. we can’t understand what you went through, but we will always be ready to carry the load when you can’t.
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ways to support grieving parents
supporting grieving parents, especially after a profound loss like pregnancy or infant loss, is all about sensitivity, understanding, and respect for their journey. here are some ways we can offer support:
acknowledge the loss
it’s not an easy subject to talk about, but acknowledging the loss is important to recognize and validate someone else’s pain. feelings of discomfort will subside, and a person who is grieving needs to feel seen and heard more than you know.
listen without trying to fix
as i said before, this is not my story and i can’t imagine this feeling. that’s why it’s important to let the parents lead the direction of your support. let them know you’re always willing to listen, and allow them to choose how much or little they want to talk about it.
be patient and present
there is no timeline on grief. parents don’t just “move on” after a period of time has passed. it’s important to be aware of the healing process and understand how it comes and goes, especially throughout anniversaries and other important dates or milestones. the best you can do is offer ongoing support to remind them that you’re there and they’re not alone.
remember important dates
remembering important dates and showing support during those times goes a long way. whether it’s the baby’s due date, birthday, or anniversary of the loss, a small gesture can mean the world to grieving parents. it’s also important to be sensitive around holidays like mother’s day and father’s day, or other family gatherings, as those can be more painful moving forward.
be mindful of future pregnancies
we should always be sensitive to conversations around pregnancy because you don’t know what others have experienced. it’s important to avoid assumptions as each pregnancy is unique and a new child doesn’t mean any amount of pain is in the past.
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path to healing and the wave of light
supporting grieving parents is about being present and offering understanding without imposing expectations. it’s about honouring their grief in a way that respects their unique experience, and being patient as they navigate their path to healing.
on pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day, we honour the ones we never got to know. we encourage you to participate in the wave of light, a ceremony where families around the world will light a candle at 7pm to create a 24-hour stream of light to remember those we’ve lost.
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