why we need friends more than ever as we get older

about 10 years ago, the research of scientist dr. rachel savage took an important turn. she was running focus groups with retired educators on their priorities for aging and how aging was different than what they had expected in both positive and negative ways. she thought participants would talk about priorities around maintaining health and wellbeing, such as physical activity, nutrition and brain games like sudoku puzzles.

instead, a lot of discussion focused on friendships and connection—and the struggles to do that amidst the challenges and transitions that can accompany aging.

“losing a partner, losing friends, caregiving responsibilities, maybe needing to move to a new residence for a variety of reasons, so being taken away from an established community and network of support,” says dr. savage.

“there are just so many different things where people were going into this time of life with the best of intentions, but really feeling almost like it was impossible to keep the friendships that they had in place and it really became so evident to me that we need to do more to support older people in this stage of life to make it easy as much as possible for them to stay connected and in the way that they wish to.”

this earlier research coincided with the budding science and rising awareness of the impact of loneliness on health from a global perspective. the first minister for loneliness was appointed in the uk in 2018, and a couple of years later the covid-19 pandemic shut the world down, making it very evident to everyone how important face-to-face and social interactions were.

“one quote in particular really stays with me, where an older gentleman was talking about how he had lost his partner a few years earlier, and he said, ‘the magic in my life is gone,’ and i remember thinking it was a really touching moment,” dr. savage recalls from a focus group.

the research tailored her interest to loneliness and connection and their profound influence as determinants of health in aging. now she works at the women’s college hospital research and innovation institute in toronto and is the director of the women’s age lab, a pioneering initiative to support women’s health in aging and gender equity. she’s also an assistant professor at the university of toronto in the institute of health policy, management and evaluation.

“we want everyone to be able to age in a way that they have meaning, purpose, that they feel excited about the day ahead of them. we don’t really appreciate how difficult it can be to go through all of those different transitions later in life, where we just frankly have less support to navigate them,” she says, pointing to the “perfect storm” of family units becoming smaller and more people living away from home and not near their immediate family.

“it’s making it tougher to stay connected in the world today. but it’s more critical than ever, with trends around polarization from a political standpoint and changing climate. all of these things are addressable if we are connected and can see different viewpoints and if we have strong support networks around us to help us navigate.”

human beings are wired to problem-solve and thrive together. social connection is a key driver of health, happiness and longevity.

the importance of friendship as you age

while there’s a general consensus on things to do to stay healthy and live as long a life as we possibly can—avoiding smoking, being physically active, recognizing the risks of air pollution—dr. savage says the role of social relationships is underappreciated. and now there’s robust evidence that shows that if we’re disconnected, we lead shorter lives. it contributes to premature mortality to the same extent as those other well-established risk factors.

american researchers reported on the impact of loneliness on depression, mental health and physical well-beingin the journal plos one in 2025. they looked at just over 47,000 people in a nationally representative sample that was predominantly white (73.3 per cent), female (62.1 per cent), and aged 18 to 64 years (72.1 per cent). over 80 per cent of participants reported some degree of loneliness. of the findings, women consistently experienced more poor mental health days than men, and older adults over age 64 had more poor physical health days than younger adults.

as the authors note, “loneliness is a strong and independent predictor of depression and poor health outcomes. public health interventions aimed at addressing loneliness—especially among high-risk subgroups—are critical to improving mental and physical well-being at the population level.”

and for women, female friendships are particularly important and powerful, says dr. savage.

“we see this all over the world that women and even girls across the lifespan consistently report higher rates of loneliness than boys and men. we think this happens for a few different reasons, especially for older women there are some unique circumstances,” she notes.

on average, women live longer than men, so they’re more likely to be without a partner in older age. experiencing widowhood and also living alone are two major risk factors for loneliness. women, from a social perspective, take on more caregiving roles, which can be isolating and leave women without a lot of time to stay connected socially. this can be especially challenging in midlife when there are often caregiving responsibilities for children and also for aging parents.

as well, women are less likely to have higher incomes, so they’re more likely to live into older age with lower incomes. dr. savage’s recent research at the women’s age lab points to income as an important determinant for loneliness. “if you don’t have the financial resources to stay connected and also the time that comes along with having some financial security and being able to do those things that we know are really important to maintain friendships, it becomes very challenging to stay connected.”

this also includes practical things that people don’t often think about, like vision or hearing changes with aging, or mobility, and to be able to stay connected and still have your conversations with your friends and feel included, you might need hearing aids, which are expensive, even with the subsidies and supports. further, mobility devices and special transportation can be costly.

“if you don’t have the financial means to make the necessary accommodations to get the support you need to stay connected, it becomes self-limiting in terms of what you’re able to do. so, i think the financial piece is a really important component that i don’t think gets enough attention and should be part of our, you know, when we’re thinking about strategies for loneliness. looking more at the structural causes is really critical.”

she notes that some research shows that experiencing the transition of widowhood is more of a trigger for loneliness in older men than women, likely because women have larger support networks and a network of friends. those friendships help buffer stressful life transitions that can tip people into loneliness, and without the support they need to come out of it, they stay in loneliness.

being chronically lonely is really what’s bad for our health. in fact, research shows that it’s as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. simply psychology reports on the mortality evidence, noting that social isolation increased the odds of premature death by 29 per cent, loneliness increased the odds by 26 per cent and living alone increased the odds by 32 per cent. the effects were comparable to and sometimes larger than obesity (which increases mortality risk by approximately 18 to 20 per cent), physical inactivity and air pollution exposure.

there’s also greater understanding around the biological pathways of harm, where loneliness activates the body’s stress response system and accelerates biological aging and degrades nearly every organ system over time. another replicated finding in loneliness research is systemic inflammation, with elevated inflammatory markers occurring in lonely versus non-lonely individuals that are linked with cardiovascular disease, diabetes and some cancers.

additionally, lonely people show poorer sleep quality and suppressed immunity, both of which are critical for maintaining health as we age.

another way loneliness negatively impacts our health and well-being is through health behaviour, as it’s easier to make healthy choices in the company of others.

“i lived alone for a period of time when i was younger. and i think about the meals i used to make for myself when it was just me versus now the meals that i make for my family,” dr. savage says.

while cheese and crackers are a good standby, she made a lot of omelets when she lived by herself. then there’s physical activity that gets a lift. if you have someone to exercise with or go on a walk with, you’re more likely to do those things.

here’s the key part about female friendships as really strong protective factors, as dr. savage explains: “it’s really the quality of the relationships that are critical. i think for female friendships, there is a lot of emotional intimacy. there’s emotional validation. and as i’m starting to see as i get older, there’s practical support. when you have a baby, your friends are dropping off meals, they’re checking in on you, they’re doing laundry for you. this is all super important as we go through different stages and need that type of support.”

in a world where uncertainty and conflict create fear of what’s to come, our closest friendships are a balm to heal and give us a sense of belonging.

“we matter in the world that we’re a part of, and that we are seen and understood by people close to us. and, you know, all of that becomes even more important as we get older.”

keeping connections strong for health and happiness

how do we solve loneliness for ourselves and others?

from a societal perspective, she highlights structural opportunities to invest in, such as naturally occurring retirement communities (norcs), which are geographic areas with a large proportion of older adults. these can be suburbs and neighbourhoods in more suburban areas, and, in cities, they often comprise high-rise buildings, apartment buildings, and condos that have a lot of older adults. the next step underway is building mutual support networks through programming that fosters a sense of belonging and community in those places. she’s seen how seed funding for different resident-led groups within the buildings for social events, for example, can transform places.

“no one knows each other, no one says hi, no one knows each other’s name to all of a sudden you walk in the door and someone is saying hi, they’re saying their name. then you’re sharing resources and dropping off soup if someone’s sick, and it just is a difference of night and day. that’s one really practical solution. it’s finding ways to catalyze things that already exist in our communities to really strengthen them for connection.”

other examples include walkable community hubs, parks, and libraries, particularly because there are few spaces where you can be without spending money. the focus should be on environments that nurture connection.

“even in our educational system, at an early age, learn how to develop healthy relationships and maintain them with time. and we need to be able to offer people support during key life transitions. i think it’s so critical; if we can get this right, there’s a lot of potential gains for individuals and for our society.”

she’d like to see a national strategy on social connection that follows the world health organization’s commission on social connectionwith recommendations around what communities can do to flag that the issue matters and is important to canadians.

her message comes back to connection and people being there for each other, as we’re designed to be.

“i always say the best thing that we can do as individuals is just be a good neighbour. so, paying attention to the places where we live, saying hi, just recognizing the people in your community, smiling, waving, checking in if you know someone lives alone, especially during holiday periods, which can be really tough to navigate if you’re on your own. and then sending the text, the e-mail, calling and checking in on people that you know might be more vulnerable to loneliness is important as well.”